The Proposal

Dear Sirs,

I'm sure you've been receiving a lot of proposals lately, and that's not just because I have the ability to hack into any computer system in the world - it's because I believe in this program. And when I believe in something, it happens. Big time. That's why I've chosen to share with you the following proposal. It may seem unconventional, it may seem amateurish, and it may seem impossible. Well, so did bread, when the guy who invented that was like "check this out" and other people were like "what is it?" and he said "I don't know, just taste it" - and no one did. Not until the ancient marketing firm of Buck Richards Edwards Anders and Dunphy stepped in. That's right. "Bread" makes a little more sense now, right? Bet you didn't know that. Oh and by the way, the guy who actually invented the bread? He died. Loaded.

Boom, see what I did there? I changed your entire belief system in an instant. So I figure it will only take about 7 billion instants to change the world, gentlemen. Let's get started, shall we?

You know, just as every home has a spider infestation problem, every proposal has a good story behind it. The reason so many idiots fail with their awesome ideas is that they forget the story. Gentlemen, we are not idiots. We are men who have been tasked with the mission of making our life changing visions come true. Won't you join us?

By the way, something to keep in mind regarding our silent partners: True story - the Israeli Intelligence Services have a quirky little methodology they employ when reviewing potential threats: one person must disagree with the assessment provided. They can NEVER be in full agreement. If 9 say "black" then 10th MUST say "white." It keeps them on their toes. And alive.

Attached please find our little story. I'm sure after reading it, you'll agree with us when we say A) sometimes big ideas can come in little stories, and B) we don't have much time.

Let's get down to brass tacks: Who can get in touch with R. Kelly? More importantly, why are we not approaching this with the mindset "what would R. Kelly be selling here?"  So it's Bell Biv Devoe featuring R. Kelly with a very special appearance by Glen Danzig. Danzing in bold).

The Spider Roll

My marbles bounce (marbles!) bounce bounce
The spiders (spiders!) roll roll roll
We in the town town town
We rolling low low low

Got the fiber - carbon, like the air I breathe
These things is crazy, rolling up all silently
Boy they be branded, big ups to the man L.V.
And oh yeah spiders, stay the hell away from me

My marbles bounce (marbles!) bounce bounce
The spiders (spiders!) roll roll roll
We in the town town town
We rolling low low low

These things are purple drank ice cubes
Street luge wheel lubes
Invented in a test tube
But free range/fair trade - all that dude

They got the look of carbon fiber
Perfect for the spider - killin'
If you're willin'
To do the bounce now here we go - get it on....

(Eight legged spawn of Nosferatu, I purge you
to dwell amongst the unbeholden souls as I
place my battle axe into the hands of Saint Mercy
and raise the army of Louis Vuitton! Aaaargggh - yeeeeaah!!)

My marbles bounce (marbles!) bounce bounce
The spiders (spiders!) roll roll roll
We in the town town town
We rolling low low low
R. Kelly:

Nothing compares to these balls
Rollin in the dance halls, hotels, strip malls and the
Churches, with all the spiders, now look up and grab your lighters
We gonna walk across the sky like an x-wing fighter
Looking down on a scene of a flood
Spider blood. Hold up: do spiders bleed?
Sure do and that's why you need these

My marbles bounce (marbles!) bounce bounce
The spiders (spiders!) roll roll roll
We in the town town town
We rolling low low low