I'd like to thank everyone who has commented on the Canadian Bacon posts. However, since as of the time of this writing that means I'm only thanking 4 people, and I'm pretty sure one of them is my mom, that means I have to take it up a notch.
As of this morning, I've started a legitimate petition at Change.org. You can sign that petition by clicking on the widget on this page. Do it. And do it quickly, before Change.org realizes that there is such a petition on their site, because they'll probably take it down when they see it. Which is so racist. Racist against bacon.
In case you are on the fence about all of this, I want to introduce what I'm going to call "Exhibit A." Actually, that's stupid, I'm just going to show you something. This was my horoscope yesterday:
Let the genius within you come out and play, Virgo. You may feel like some sort of inventor who has wild ideas that could help to revolutionize the future. Bring these ideas into the open and see what kind of response you get from the people around you. Cutting-edge concepts are likely to appeal to you the most. These are the ones that you should pursue and follow through on if you can.
First of all, I'm not making that up - that was really my horoscope (msn.com). Second, yes, sometimes I read my horoscope. Third, there is now irrefutably a documented genius inside me, and fourth, God thinks this is a good idea.
People, I'm going to try to lay low on this for a while and let the grassroots magic of online petitioning take hold. This does mean that you'll be subjected to other ideas of mine, though, including:
- Why have the Black Eyed Peas not covered Midnight Oil's "Beds Are Burning"? More specifically, how has that not happened? More on this to come.
- Speaking of covers, Bjork should cover Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" if for no other reason than the chance for everyone to see bearded, snobby hipsters humming along with the muzak when they're out grocery shopping. Also, she'd probably actually do a pretty good job.
- Taco Bell wastes so much on advertising. Sound dumb? Hear me out. No one needs to be reminded that Taco Bell exists, because we were all 19 once. Instead of a talking dog, or annoying dudes being annoying, Taco Bell should simply have commercials with no sound, and a white screen with the Taco Bell logo in red, yellow and green - sort of looking like a 3D picture if you don't have your 3D glasses on. Do you know why this would work? Because there is no better way to have someone look at a TV than to have it stop making noise. Try it yourself next time you're in a room with someone who may or may not be paying attention to the TV. Trust me, it works. Also, we all know that red, yellow and green are the "hunger colors" - that's why every restaurant uses some version of those colors almost exclusively. So essentially, you're going to get eyes on your logo in the hunger colors for a solid 15-20 seconds, Taco Bell. Just so the novelty doesn't wear off, they could mix in a few different versions where every once in a while - BOOM!! - chicks in bikinis for a second, or - BOOM!! - lion attack, or whatever. Your move, Taco Bell.
- Speaking of Taco Bell, they serve burritos, some of which come with bacon.
Sign the petition.