(AP): GhostofTyrone II: GhostofTyroner and his brother, GhostofTyrone With A Vengeance, both private investigators by trade, today unveiled plans in Los Angeles, California for Operation: Turbo Deluxe, wherein time travel will be possible today, so long as the user intends to invent it tomorrow.
"The reasons that this operation will fail do not exist," stated GhostofTyrone II: GhostofTyroner, continuing "therefore, Vengeance and I are confident that we will encounter minimal resistance on our joint path to eternity."
Citing their controversial "Initiation Principle", the duo holds that each thought is a physical manifestation of our conscious selves, and therefore a tangible entity in our physical world. GhostofTyroner elaborated upon this point during the press conference. "It is quite simple, actually. Each thought sets off a sequence of events, all physically tangible on some level, that result in a consequence, intended or not. This set of events immediately becomes a line graph, if you will, with point A being the initiation point, and point B being the outcome. In the case of time travel, point A has an inherent mobility unique among human thought."
Asked to elaborate, GhostofTyroner yielded to GhostofTyrone With A Vengeance for clarification. "Essentially, what my brother GhostofTyroner is saying, is that with time travel, humankind is granted the ultimate free pass, by which we are able to reap the rewards of our labor before the labor is performed. By virtue of our Initiation Principle, the very thought of correctly plotting the path towards time travel, coupled with the mobility of the thought itself, will result in the materialization of a means to travel time before the thought process is seen through to what would be considered a standard completion."
The duo remained tight lipped about their exact plans, but an unnamed source close to the project has revealed the plans involve the delivery of a time travelling vehicle from the future, which will be made possible solely through the pair's intent to use the machine to travel back in time to invent it prior to delivery. "We can accomplish today what we intend to accomplish tomorrow," GhostofTyroner closed his comments with, as GhostofTyrone With A Vengeance added "Since there may be no way to actually confirm our success or failure in this endeavour, we will immediately begin accepting your congratulations. Most importantly, we'd like to acknowledge our youngest brother, Live Free or GhostOfTyrone, for his support. Thank you, and, You're Welcome. San Dimas High School football rules."
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