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Maple Syrup

After repeated pestering by about how unpopular my “Change the Toronto Raptors to the Canadian Bacon” petition is, I’ve decided to really take this to the next level. I’ve discussed the need for a legitimate logo for this new franchise, but I need to do more than that. I need to appeal to the people of Toronto, and the people of Canada as a whole. So yesterday, I decided to look into the history of basketball in Canada, so that I could better appeal to the fans. I didn’t get very far.

Now, raise your hand if you were aware that there is an NBLC? That’s “National Basketball League of Canada.” Well, as of 2011, there is. Here’s that league’s logo:

Naturally, because I love Canada, I’ve decided to grant them permission to update their logo to something more appropriate by using one of my “rough drafts” for the Bacon logo:

So, you’re welcome, NBLC. Now obviously, I wanted to make sure there wasn’t a franchise called “The Bacon” in this prestigious league, so I checked. I found no bacon, but I found what might be the worst team name of all time:

This is not a joke. Rainmen. Halifax: are you kidding me? Was The Halifax “Boys Who Could Fly” taken by the local curling team? In a league with teams called the Mill Rats, the Kebs (?) and the Miracles, you have to do some extra legwork to have the worst name, so good job Halifax Rainmen.

“Rainmen must mean something I’m missing; it must have some sort of other significance,” I thought. So I looked it up. I searched for “rainmen” and got nothing but this team. I searched “Rain Man” and did actually get another meaning that did not have to do with Dustin Hoffman and memorizing phonebooks (in case you’ve been having trouble following me so far): “Rain Man” is a computer programming language.

So, either Halifax was going for the “it rains here a lot and no potential negative cultural associations are going to stop us from letting you know that, via our NBLC team”, or we have the equivalent of “The Seattle JAVA.” Which actually works. Because, you know, JAVA script, Seattle, coffee… whatever, it’s better than “Rainmen.”

The moral of this story is: 1. I no longer need to research the history of basketball in Canada in order to better appeal to the fans, and 2. I am 100% confident that basketball fans in Canada will be perfectly fine with “The Canadian Bacon.”

Now it’s just up to us to make sure they hear about it.

Sign the petition.


Smack said...

According to Wikipedia, the team was named via a local contest. Doesn't help their cause.
And despite the fact that their roster only features three Canadian players, there are a lot of queens. Definitely a lotta queens...

Anonymous said...

I love the idea that some Haligonian was chillin' at the local pubic house, tipping a few Elsinores, and between rounds of table shuffleboard (bar curling), decided to write a suggestion down on a piece of cardstock. As one of only eleven entries, it was the most legible.

And the Rainmen were born.

GhostOfTyrone said...

Thanks, Wikipedia! Right, Anon?


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