Late Show

Transcript of un-aired excerpt from the December 2004 “Late Show with David Letterman”

David Letterman: “Alright, uh, next guests. And, uh, wow. (Laughs). Our next guests have been around for 35…is that right? 35 years ladies and gentlemen, and they have been, uh, cool and hip the whole time. Cool and hip. (Laughs). Paul. Paul, can you tell me anyone else who has been cool and hip – cool and hip – for 35 years? Paul?

Paul Shaffer: David.

DL: (Laughs) Yes Paul. Uh, how are you tonight?

PS: I’m fine David. I feel cool and hip.

DL: Cool and hip.

PS: Stevie Wonder!

DL: (Pause, laughs) OK. Well, here they are… Ernie, Bert, Cookie Monster and Big Bird from Sesame Street!

(applause)

DL: Hey gang (laughs). Yep, just uh, just sit on down, there you go. So, is this your first time in New York? (Laughs, audience laughter).

Big Bird: No David, we’ve all been here before. Haven’t we, guys?

(Others agree)

Ernie: We spent a lot of time here in the Seventies.

Bert: 54.

BB: 54.

DL: Well, okay. Say, you know, and uh, I only say this because your audience – you know, your audience – (audience laughter) have all gone to bed by this late hour, but this is the kind of city where a group of guys like you could really, you know, tie one on?

(Audience laughter)

Bert: That’s really behind me, David. Can we talk about my album now?

DL: Er, (laughs) well…

Ernie: Bert, we’ll all get to talk about what we want, like we said on the plane.

DL: (Pause, laughs) Yeah. Hey, you know, Paul and I were talking right before you guys came out, and, 35 years guys. Can you believe that?

BB: A lot has changed, that’s for sure. I think, well, I think that it’s starting to catch up with us.

(Others agree)

DL: Catch up, how so?

BB: Well, the other day we were doing an opening for a new shopping center near Pensacola, and there were Hooters girls there. (Audience laughter) And I’m talking to one of the kids who was on the show in the 80’s…

Ernie: Jason...

Cookie Monster: The coke one.

BB: Yep, and he’s there like someone is going to recognize him. And I’m thinking “Jesus”, you know? And then, I’m thinking…

Bert: I wrote a song about this. Can we please talk about my album?

DL: Sure, Bert, eh (laughs, looks at camera). Uh, Paul, have you heard this album?

PS: No David.

Bert: It’s called “The Tides of the Dance.” Anyway, the song is called “Can’t Fly.” Basically, it’s you on the dance floor, and you can’t fly. You just can’t. I wrote it after reading about a suicide bombing in Jerusalem. I thought “someone involved there definitely watched me growing up. Some one right now is watching this with their kid, yelling at the television, screaming"[CENSORED]! This is all [CENSORED]!”

Ernie: Bert, Bert…

Bert: What are we doing here? We're lying. To children.

CM: Yeah, and then 9/11 happens, and what’s that all about?

DL: (Pause) (Audience laughter)

CM: So now that’s funny? I’ll tell you what’s funny. Have you seen any of those drawings that kids did after 9/11? The ones where everyone is falling out of the scariest looking flaming ladders you’ve ever seen, and these crazy dragon planes are flying all around, hanging right below that messed up sky kids draw, where they put all the blue at the top? Who do you think saw more of those, us or you?  (all silent, Bert shakes head). No, tell me, who?

BB: It was hard.

DL: It must have been. I can see that. Well, I really wish you guys the, uh, the best and, folks the 35^th season of Sesame Street…

Bert: My album comes out the Tuesday before Christmas.

(Audience laughter)

Ernie: Sorry Dave.

DL: No, this is, uh (laughs)… Uh, Paul, this is uh…

PS: Hip and cool, David.

Ernie: No, Dave, it wasn't.

CM: Jet lag.

DL: Alright, please thank the guys from Sesame Street and we will be right back with Ciara and Missy Elliot.

(Applause)